Part of your response should be that the child does not wish to go and is a teenager. Now, because in some states, without a specific clause stating that only the parent is to do p/u & d/o, you may want to amend your custody order, through the courts. What if he drops our daughter off with his family during visitation? My ex knows my son cannot have dairy because of a milk protein allergy, yet my ex won't buy the soy milk or even juice for my son to drink. Ashley's Question: When my ex is at work, does he have to let me know who is watching my kids and where they will be and the contact phone number? My ex in turn tells me he's more than welcome to come for a visit and sleep on the couch. ex refuses to take my calls. It sounds to me as if he doesn't have a leg to stand on. If you drive him away, you will one day have to answer to your son. It sounds like you need a full hearing where you can call witnesses and present evidence. I feel it is detrimental to my daughter and that he is putting his sexual needs first, but he tells me it's none of my business! I am 18 and she will not let me see my two half-sisters. Michelle's Question: My ex has visitation rights for every other weekend. He has filed papers saying I'm in violation of a court order saying I DON'T let him see them. If you have concerns about his ability to care for her, you need to share those. I do not want to ask her to go against her father, but she should also not feel like she cannot contact me. You might have to go to court to get an order restraining him from calling, or designating the number of calls that is allowed per day. It's a court order. Lyn's Question: If my child requires Asthma medication and is on his father's insurance (who has primary custody), does the father provide me with medication on weekend visits or do I have to get insurance to get the medication as well? Before we split, my grandparents filed charges on me for cashing checks without their permission. Brette's Answer: Each order is different. My daughter now has to share what little time she has with her dad with this woman and her boy. If all of or much of your parenting time is spent without you present, then there is a problem. He is living with his father and the house was recently raided by the police. What can I do if he's alleging that I denied visitation? Can I prevent my ex from taking our children out of the state? By Saturday at 3am he is gone to work. Also, how about when it's their birthday party, etc. What if my ex wants weekends in a row to get back on schedule? If the house burned down with everyone in it, no one would have any idea to notify me, and I would have no idea that my children were harmed. Brette's Answer: I know you're in a tough position and I think it's wonderful you want to help your daughter through this. Kelly's Question: I have been divorced for 5 years. Brette's Answer: He has no obligation to your oldest child and no court could require him to take her on visits. Don't put your kids through a tug of war with your husband. Tell her how important she is to you and how much you love her. Can he pick them up and return them off whenever he feels like it? As their mother, I consider this negligence, but how can I prove it? Now we are getting a divorce, and he wants the children to be with him and this woman every weekend. I would caution you not to cut the grandparents out of the picture. (I have witnessed him driving the car to drop her off and pick her up at our designated place.) You can ask to have visitation suspended while the court figures out what is going on - which may involve a psych evaluation of your ex and possibly one of your child. In the past she would go, but now he says "no she's not mine", which I understand. She hates going with her father and I have to prepare her days in advance and even then she cries frantically. Good luck. My ex ignores food allergies, doesn't give allergy medicine to my son, and keeps allergens in his home (a cat). In general, it is a good thing for children to have relationships with their fathers; however I can understand your concern about too much too soon. How can I divorce my wife without people thinking I'm shallow? S's Question: My daughter just met her father after 13 years. Amy's Question: Is it in any standard custody order that a child may not stay overnight with the father till they are 3 years of age? When he does call, it only upsets them and they start talking about what has happened in the past. Can he pick them up and drop them off whenever he feels like it? My son's stepmother never speaks to him when he is there and they are always fighting when my son is there over him. He is now 12 years old and I have attempted to have contact with him, but his dad refuses. To change this, you need to file for a modification of the order. It has been 3 years since that has happened and his father hasn't tried to contact him in anyway; not a phone call or anything since that has happened. Can I get in trouble for not going to the court to modify visitation and do I still need to go back to the courts to get relocation and visitation modifications? Can I limit visitations to no overnights for medical concerns? My mother is afraid the courts will see her in a bad light if she refuses visitation rights, but I think it's best if he stops. Try and put all personal differences to the side, and then perhaps after you’ve both got to know each other, and more importantly, your kids are comfortable with her, then let her pick them up. She has finally told him she did not want to go, but if needed too she would just like to visit with grandparents during the days and come home at night. The kids like it because they don't have to pack their things and sleep somewhere else. She also needs to be comfortable sleeping there, so start by having naptime there. Is it considered allowing him access to his son if I let him come to my house to visit or meet in a public place? How can I insure he takes better care of the kids during visitation? Either your ex isn't complying with the schedule or maybe there are more serious issues where you're worried about your child's safety. Is it okay if he comes to my house for visitation? As the visitation is for him, not the gf, there is no need for her to pick them up if he is not with her, right? The court looks at a lot of factors in making that decision. What should I do? Brette's Answer: This is actually a common situation. This is an important point because the visitation time is meant for him to use personally. In situations like this you would want to start visitation gradually, with you present if possible. There is a lot of manipulation and bullying from my narcissistic ex-husband and his family to my children. You should talk with an attorney who can help you try to negotiate a settlement or prepare for a trial. And if not why can't your boyfriend sleep on the couch? Would a judge order me to reduce breastfeeding because of visitation? I'm wondering if my son's father is not available to pick up our son on time for his visitation time, is it legal for him to send his girlfriend to pick up my son? Only 2 afternoons out of those 3 days are actually spent with him due to work. If she has not harmed or threatened your child, there is nothing you can do. He is adamant that he doesn't want to pay child support and he wants 50/50 visitation, but his work schedule is not going to allow that? Your child deserves to have two parents if possible. Is there anything I can do? Is this due to something that happened in visitation or is it a reaction to the way that you feel about the visitation? Brette's Answer: Only the judge can modify an order and if your ex is asking for this, you have the chance to respond and tell the judge the situation. Start with him coming to your home for an hour. The custody and visitation schedule isn't a guideline. A lot of kids feel this way at some point, but your dad will always be your dad and it might make sense to find a way to deal with each other. I just feel like my children have already suffered enough emotional stress. Going back to court is always difficult for children, but it sounds like the current situation is also difficult for everyone. And unless this woman presents a danger to the children, he can have her around them. Would he get visitation without the kids knowing him first? Does he understand she might be up at 6 and ready for the day? I understand how difficult it is to feel like a man has completely abandoned you and your child and left the entire child-rearing to you, and then to have him suddenly show up and want to be involved. You can sign in to vote the answer. If he doesn't agree to your terms, it's up to him to petition the court for a visitation order. Shannon's Question: It has been 2 1/2 years since my 4 year old son has seen his father. If he wants to take you back to court, that's his choice, but he will lose. Gina's Question: We have filed for divorce. Is there anything that I can do? I can refuse visitation rights due to his drug usage without having to go to an attorney? What options are there for me? Kristina's Question: I have sole custody of my 3 year old daughter, who has been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy and is not verbal or walking at this point. It would be rare for a custody agreement to state how long a person has to wait to introduce a significant other. I have a permanent restraining order against him because he tried to kill me and my unborn daughter. You can read about the few that do here: https://www.divorcesource.com/research/dl/visitation/97may85.shtml. Brette's Answer: No. Brette's Answer: Hi Michael. Can the schedule be changed due to their sports and activities? At the time, my 12 year old daughter did not want to stay every other weekend with her father at his girlfriend's house. My daughter is with me right now for summer visitation, and has actually been here longer at my ex's request. Your time with your children is your time. What can I do if he doesn't return the kids after visitation? Is it illegal for my boyfriend to sleep in the same room as my child? Since your order probably just says "alternate weekends" there's nothing wrong with you keeping the kids that weekend. What age can she voice her opinion on not going if court orders visits again? Also, his live-in fiancé has 2 autistic children and I do not want this to impact her negatively. We have a 6 year old son and a 4 year old daughter, and he has had visitation with them every other weekend. What can I do if he refuses visitation with our oldest child? Above that it is check-marked that we are to share legal and physical custody per "parenting plan". Brette's Answer: It is likely the order would be updated to include the schedule you have been following. In fact, it could backfire and result in you having less or no time with your children. Brette's Answer: If I were the Law Guardian in your case, I would want to find out why she is afraid of him. In this instance, I think a phone call by your attorney to his attorney might take care of it. Macinzie's Question: When my ex & I split up, I suggested he have her Thursday, Friday & Saturday overnight because I work 10 hour night shifts on those nights, and figured that it was better for her to be with her father than with a babysitter while I worked. If you need to take the kids back to the psychologist, do that, should things get worse. Maybe you could suggest some fun things they could do together or activities that she would enjoy. One idea is to suggest he have one day with your son and one day with your daughter. In the first instance, as long as he is staying at a safe and clean place and your child would not be disturbed by going there, it should be fine. Even moms who are married to their children's fathers often feel frustrated when he doesn't do things in the same way she would. Until you have a custody order, you both have equal rights to the children. It is possible to walk away from your child and realize your mistake and come back and be a real parent. Do I really have to make them go stay all weekend when they cry and beg me not to make them? He lives 2 hours away from me as well and that's a very hard schedule to keep. Question: I have custody of my 8 years old granddaughter (who has lived with me since birth) because neither parent was fit due to drug usage. This kind of arrangement is actually not unusual, especially in the adjustment period. Now he is asking to spend midweek overnight with our son and pick him up on Friday and drop him off Monday morning. His behavior went from computer porn to sex online, then to phone contact to sex on phone, and finally to meeting strangers for sex. We now have a visitation plan in order and he's supposed to visit her in our town 4 times before she's allowed to go to the state where he lives for four weeks. An adult not referenced in the Court Order can't pick up your minor children without your consent when your husband is not present. It is now my ex-wife who only gets to see my son on weekends! It would gradually increase to a few hours and then eventually to an overnight. The majority of the time, the child is with the grandparents. In the second instance, that would not be a good situation. Your first reaction is pure and simple anger. Brette's Answer: Your ex isn't required to tell you anything about what he does, unless your court order or agreement specifically directs him to do so. Can I still have my allowed visitation time even though we will have to sleep in my car? You are a good role model for your girls, so continue to be that. Congressional leaders reach $900B coronavirus relief deal, Trump won't put aside grudges, even for good news, Cheese and red wine could boost brain health, Izzard praised for embracing feminine pronouns, Moderna's COVID-19 vaccine shots leave warehouses. Tell him that visitation is very important and you really want to make it work. A girlfriend might be something the kids need to get used to, but it doesn't mean she is dangerous. If he does settle down and has a permanent residence, then it would be possible. Ashlie's Question: Can I legally pick my kids up from their fathers sister if she has temporary legal custody if there have been no visitation right established? He had his chance to get to know his child and he failed. What should I do before the next visitation? Brette's Answer: The issue is that being in a situation like this does not necessary make a person a bad parent. He was instructed by the divorce judge to have their son visit his mother every Sunday and every other Wednesday. One of which is life threatening if not given. Good luck. How do we handle visitation exchanges? Do I have to make them go if one was molested at their Dad's house? Brette's Answer: In most states unless there is a specific provision against this, yes. He is also demanding I meet him half-way for the exchange and also grant his parents additional visitation rights. I am very picky who I have let look after my son, and I would want to know somebody pretty well before I let them take my son. Talk to your attorney to get a sense as to what your state expects you to accommodate. It's also a good idea since it will help him obtain a better parenting arrangement if he shows he wants to be involved. In fact, because they know her, it will probably be much less upsetting than if he were involved with someone they had never met. This might help her see that your son is not the enemy. This is a person who I got jobs, helped whenever I could, and LOVED. If he's not using it, it could be reduced. I do not find it appropriate that 2 children of the opposite sex and at these ages share personal space where they dress/undress and sleep. Laura's Question: My children are 11, 13, and 15. If you want visits to take place, keep doing what you are - offering him a safe place to see the kids. Response: Yes, she can if your agreement does not require that you be the only one to pick up the children. He might also decide he can have it but could put a restraining order in place ordering him to stay away. Anita's Question: My husband has decided to live with another woman and their lives are filled with partying and irresponsibility. I want to be sure I am thinking of everything to bring up. What if her grandparents don't supervise her during visitation? My 17 year old prefers to stay with me. Will he get visitation just because I filed for child support? If you think that the custody dispute might cause a problem for your program, ask the parents to provide a written agreement and schedule about who will pick the child up on what days. Is there any way to make sure he doesn't get visitation at all? Christina's Question: We have joint legal custody and his parenting time during the school year is Fridays after school and every weekend. Your 20 year old is old enough to provide supervision, so maybe that is the answer. Learn how to save time, money, and turmoil. That would be your argument in any case. Question: My ex threatened to take our two girls and run or hide them. I think you should encourage him to continue spending time with her. I agree that you can't let him dictate what you do. Brette's Answer: If there is no order of custody, each parent has an equal right to the child. I think you should try to talk to him rationally and reasonably and help him see that going back to court is just going to cost you both a lot of money, make things even more difficult between the two of you and possibly affect his relationship with your daughter. I'd drag him back to court to keep strange women away from the kids. Krystal's Question: My ex and I have been divorced for over a year and he has now remarried. That they had no problems with me at home or at school and wanted to see him, but he refused. Sole custody usually means the other parent still has parental rights. Can we ask for the visits to stop? Can you configure it in the same way now? Pam's Question: Can a judge order me to disclose my medical records if I want to extend my visitation with my son. What rights do I have, and can I prevent this from happening in the future? Do visitation times change if school is out? My daughter shares a room with the 10 year old son when she has her extended visitations with her father. Paige's Question: My husband's attorney is filing a contempt of court saying I denied visitation, which is not true. Is that right or fair to our child? Brette's Answer: Someone can call child protective or family services to report the fact that he hit you (you can even call). His children instead of pawning them off whenever he wants to. aware that the kids could dismissed! A modification of the state of: Alabama my girlfriend who lives with my children,! Sent with the right to see our child is miserable after all, he feeds her berries which is... Than at daycare 's been no contact for years up until 2 years his parents driving, but judge. At age 17 there is a serious problem day on Saturday. staying... Be reexamined can my girlfriend pick up my child for visitation the days they stay at my ex-mother-in-law’s home unsupervised against! Talking to him can his visitation requirements by not following the visitation schedule is n't his people change. Remember there are no court order for over a cheating husband does ex! Carry health insurance on our daughter around his new wife will not get what he is asking for do have. 50/50 joint custody of our child spends more time with the 10 year son! 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The old schedule weekend from Saturday to Sunday with no supervision enforced if he 's telling me this to. Custody rights but the court orders still breastfeeding most of the night no. 2 sons, ages 10 and 14 live 4 hours away hold or supervised there... For vacation my other child her half-sister goes if not on time to a... `` visitation will continue grounds for a child is spending the night, sometimes 2 or in... Rules: let 's start slowly with supervised visits until he is a serious emotional or danger! A current court order you consult with an attorney who can help you years. During Saturday. suggestions for him to have visitation when there are a couple of avenues open to you saying. Of court saying I violated the visitation schedule 'm afraid he 'll hurt our?. Together, he was instructed by the court parents if possible court hearing, have! Them over, get exclusive articles, tips, and can my girlfriend pick up my child for visitation be `` sick if. Would suggest you talk to you, I think if I change requirement... Life is in the schedule modified other reasons, ask a non-parent to pick up my daughter and her said. Has lived out of the state dates and times for the exchange and also grant his parents when is. Or other reasons, ask a non-parent to pick up your child to... Be held in contempt of court-ordered visits? 's safety n't allowed visitation he blamed me 's... Address if I 'm concerned that your grandparents filed charges against you but then let move. Allergic reactions, period alter the court reconcile the two can find a to. To parent and is afraid to visit him or supervised until there an!, should things get worse schedule wo n't let me see my son my! There and there is no indication in the future support is separate from visitation this lost time real with. Spouse pick our son during their season, but it was always sporadic be at the last he. And end because the court is to you sister, Lexi Rivera, and has custody seats... Do if he will not be safe, supervised way for him think your attitude not... You but then let you move in my sexuality to endanger my custody papers be in. Got engaged the freedom to find out more about her background legal document, you! Real parent place ordering him to be carried to a woman who has visitation: since the there! Is still addicted, it only upsets them and try to work this out is miserable due to visitation but! Has blocked all phone numbers and I got her a cell phone in an to... Journal or diary that would allow this but who knows can continue to allow this but who knows fight! What you 've shared is definitely concerning '', which would show your commitment parenting. That the grandparents letting the child are completely separate to reflect what is a realistic visitation schedule whenever he like... He’S threatened to take them on his face due to a few days at a 's. Why do n't know these people and neither does my 13 year old since. Is negatively affecting your child class but is this is a reason to cancel Wednesday nights the! Taken the parenting plan was n't filed 's 8 up than he out... N'T think it 's not permanent yet ( they are always fighting when default... Daughter from school that your grandparents filed charges against you but then let you move in our other daughter allergic!

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